When I was in high school. Everyone treated me like I was 'Ms. Popularity'. I wasn't all that good-looking sweetheart. There were only a few of us in school which allows us to really get to know everyone who attended that school. So I was popular because I was pretty both inside and out. And I never thought that the thing that I was giving was the very thing that had eaten me.
I was in love with a guy for years! And the jealousy was devouring my 'good' heart. Groups have been created within the class and people talk behind other peoples' backs. All because of that deadly sin. But I wasn't purely evil. I knew how to say sorry. I still knew how to be kind. And at one point, I stopped. And I thought it would be over then. Jealousy left and I got what I've wanted. But I realized I wasn't happy with him. So I left only to realize that I let go of someone who really mattered and that it was all too late. After confirming that there really was no way of getting what I had, everything became dark. Victims have fallen into my grudge, and they clung onto me poorly. Yet I easily let go of them. Many had come to hate me, for the 'bitch' I was. The queen who had played with hearts and would even step on her best friend just so she can have it her way. Yes, I was the 'ice queen', the 'evil witch', the 'slut'. And I lost friends. But I noticed that not all had left me. They still loved me no matter how big my flaws. They stayed. And who were they? They were everyone. Everyone still accepted me. They may have held a grudge against me, but they try to shove it off and place it aside. They tried to be the family they are to me. And they hurt me most for they were the closest and I too hurt them more than most of it.
I have come to realize all of this, now that I am a college graduate. Now that I am starting to work. I see now. Why being awake at midnight is not really a helpful time but the most reminiscing hour. Emotions tend to overcome me. I get to remember who I was before and I have come to understand why I am like this right now. Why I hate Valentines so much. Why I hate seeing couples doodling with each other. Why I hate hearing the word 'love'.
And now when I am in most need of it. It will not come find me. It will not come near. For I am blinded by pride. For I am held back by standards. For I am threatened by my own feelings. What if the same thing will happen? Just like when I was in high school...
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