Sometimes I don't understand myself. It's not that I'm not consistent or that I just get tired of things so easily especially when matters don't go my way. But I can't seem to dig in the explanation of why I just can't get tired of you.

The past 2 years I get to live by so peacefully. I mean the thought of you never even crossed my mind. I don't know how I even got over you before we became 2nd year college students. I don't even know why we stopped sending each other text messages. I mean, that didn't even matter at all. The way you vanished wasn't a big deal to me and I didn't even care. Then I would pass through the hallways and see you and just like a daily routine, you'd be the first to greet me. You never call me by my name. I don't remember you calling me by my name. You always had a name for me and I was happy because I felt like we had a special connection; because you were the only one who would call me by those names. It never stops, every time I walk pass you, you never fail to notice me and that made me happy though at that time I didn't really notice it.

But I had to be excited. I've been waiting for a long time to see you take the stage. I was not an outgoing person. You would ask me to go out with you for a casual day and I would always find an excuse. I don't know if I was just too shy or just stupid to make a move. I realized after a long time that I've been given a lot of opportunities and I just pushed them away, I pushed you away. Now I know it's all my fault.

So I took my video cam and searched for a good spot. I didn't even care if there were people behind me. I was determined to get a good record of your performance. I was so excited. Then I heard the music and I could feel my heart beat so hard as I wait for you to come out. Then there you were, wearing an innocent-colored jacket dancing so humbly. I stopped breathing. My mouth was slightly open. I was totally blown away. I felt......squiggly? LOL
Then it was my turn to take the stage. I was somehow nervous but I had control. I've been performing on stage for a long time, but this one was different. It was like I needed to perform better, because I knew (at feeling ko lang naman) that you were also waiting, that you'd watch me. So I did my best. For the first time, I danced without having to think of what step I should do next. I had the expressions, the emotions. It was like I was auditioning for something when all I really wanted was for you to notice me. Then as the program came to an end. I had forgotten about you.

But it didn't last long. After transferring the video files I watched my section perform. Then beside the file was your section's video. I didn't watch it, I was scared. I don't know, it's like I felt something heavy that made me turn off my laptop and go to sleep. I just shove the thought of you off my mind.

Then days passed and there are times that I would think about you but then it was just about the way how you danced that night. But I never thought that things would change so fast; I mean my feelings would change so fast.

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