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Personas








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Sucky Color for An Original

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Yeah It's Natsu!



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LineArt Tutorial

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People are cartoons

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Just some random art that I did as an example for my LineArt tutorial

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First digital art

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Don't Mind This

Just needed a place where I can post my animated avatar



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Jack Of All Trades

Truthfully speaking, I am a lazy ass and even having to write this down, it took me days to finish it because I can really lose my mood in an instant. And no I am not obese. I may have a boooooooooring lifestyle but.....well, I do get to follow the trends anyway.


So the title is Jack of All Trades (I know you read it). It means a master of none (and yes I know you already know what it means but it's for 'other' people). I am so good at this. You have played Sims right? When you create a character, you choose your zodiac then the aspiration. I always choose Jack of All Trades. Seriously, this game becomes easy then since your Sim can do almost everything pretty good. But this actually contradicts what the aspiration implies. The SIM can be an expert at something. If I were to stand before the creator of Sims I'd have him edit that part of the aspiration and have him make it off limits on the expert level. But of course no one would choose that type then, right?

So let's cut this butt-in issue out. I am the best JOAT there is. I may not know a lot of things but I have the wisdom. Because knowledge and wisdom are two different things. Knowledge is knowing or having details about a certain thing especially its existence and wisdom is knowing how to do things and how it works. And yes I get to know how things work because I watch other people do it. When I watch them I absorb them. I try to learn by observing and when I get to that place, I do what I have seen them doing. That's how I am. I know how to do it but I don't research about it.

I love anime. I love it so much I dream of being a great artist and making my own manga. I even thought of creating an anime, have ABS buy it and show it then I'll be swimming in $$$. But I only said dreamed and thought of it. So I actually started tracing anything that is anime. I kept tracing and tracing until I get to memorize them that I didn't need to trace. Now I know where I should drag my pencil. But that's all I could do. I could draw. I draw good, but not great. Same with playing the piano. I'm a fast learner. I don't need to read the keys. Just let me watch you play. Let me see the keys you're pressing. Do it a few times then later you'll see me playing, but I can't read the notes. The same thing goes with the guitar. Then my mom asked me to reverse the car because my brother didn't use it and our neighbor had to park her car. So I watched 'How to Reverse your Car Tutorial on Youtube twice. Yes I did manage to reverse it but only a little because I love Toyang (since she's a Toyota) and I don't want to bump her ass on the wall. I still asked my neighbor's son who was 16 yrs old (4 yrs younger than me) to do it. Damn he gets a better life ahead of him just because of that. Then I was a dancer in a performing arts club in high school. We went through a lot and we were climbing the top. But high school had to end and college had to come. I thought it would be fun because of all the organizations they introduced during the orientation but NOOOOO. Those orgs were just for show. They were actually inactive. Except for the dance org but then the instructors were students and the students were....hmmm I'll put it this way. I wanted to drag them till they emblazed (Miss, you are so mean). Oops! I mean they are too harsh! They turned it into a boot camp that I feel sorry for the lower years. And so I stopped resulting to not climbing to the top anymore.

So yes I'm a fast learner. I'm talented and creative. But those are just adjectives. They only describe me. Sometimes I blame money. Because to be an expert you have to spend to learn it. Yeah you can do self-study. But who wants to study alone (I certainly wanna have a cute guy learning with me). Actually it's M-O-N-E-Y. Damn it.

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Overlapping Misdeeds

When I was in high school. Everyone treated me like I was 'Ms. Popularity'. I wasn't all that good-looking sweetheart. There were only a few of us in school which allows us to really get to know everyone who attended that school. So I was popular because I was pretty both inside and out. And I never thought that the thing that I was giving was the very thing that had eaten me.


I was in love with a guy for years! And the jealousy was devouring my 'good' heart. Groups have been created within the class and people talk behind other peoples' backs. All because of that deadly sin. But I wasn't purely evil. I knew how to say sorry. I still knew how to be kind. And at one point, I stopped. And I thought it would be over then. Jealousy left and I got what I've wanted. But I realized I wasn't happy with him. So I left only to realize that I let go of someone who really mattered and that it was all too late. After confirming that there really was no way of getting what I had, everything became dark. Victims have fallen into my grudge, and they clung onto me poorly. Yet I easily let go of them. Many had come to hate me, for the 'bitch' I was. The queen who had played with hearts and would even step on her best friend just so she can have it her way. Yes, I was the 'ice queen', the 'evil witch', the 'slut'. And I lost friends. But I noticed that not all had left me. They still loved me no matter how big my flaws. They stayed. And who were they? They were everyone. Everyone still accepted me. They may have held a grudge against me, but they try to shove it off and place it aside. They tried to be the family they are to me. And they hurt me most for they were the closest and I too hurt them more than most of it.

I have come to realize all of this, now that I am a college graduate. Now that I am starting to work. I see now. Why being awake at midnight is not really a helpful time but the most reminiscing hour. Emotions tend to overcome me. I get to remember who I was before and I have come to understand why I am like this right now. Why I hate Valentines so much. Why I hate seeing couples doodling with each other. Why I hate hearing the word 'love'.

And now when I am in most need of it. It will not come find me. It will not come near. For I am blinded by pride. For I am held back by standards. For I am threatened by my own feelings. What if the same thing will happen? Just like when I was in high school...

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Karma Fudge Off!

Karma really knows where to hit you. And the moment it bites you, damn I get so frustrated and stressed out even though I know that there's nothing to worry about especially if you still have to do it tomorrow.


My brother and I went to church at 6PM. There were a lot of people as usual since the Phils. is such a religious country. I don't know why but I know I should have listened yet I preferred to wander my mind off to lover's lane. I am really regretting not listening to God while he was talking to me.

I talked to my mom a little later after we arrived home and at first she was asking us how we were doing. I was planning not to go to PNA tomorrow since the house was such a mess and I wanted to do some general cleaning. But my mom said that I should hurry up and go there and that my dad will get angry. That's the first stress; that they want me to HURRY up. I'm just beginning. I'm just entering the WORK LIFE and they want me to HURRY UP! It just pisses me off! I'm not a robot or Ms. Perfect. I have to touch things and look at them for a long time so I can get used to them and they want me to do it the fast way. Second, I told my mom I was going to commute to PNA but noooo. She was too worried about me that something might happen to me and that my brother should drop me their. The 2nd stress: My brother needs to go to work in a far far place called McKinley or whatever it is. And I need to learn how to get there. So my mother and brother argued then my mom decided that I should just take my Red Cross training at City Hall which is closer. Third, I know Pedro Gil and PGH but I don't know if it's Taft already or what. I can take the bus and then go to Taft but I wouldn't know if it's already Taft because I rarely go there. It's not in my area and that's the 3rd stress. But I thought of an idea. Why don't I just call PNA tomorrow and ask them about it? I don't have to go there then. But there was this mail thingy where you can just send an e-mail to them so I sent one. The problem is, which is stress 4: I couldn't access my e-add because yahoo is crashing and loads so freaking slow! And I even asked my trustworthy friend to help but we failed miserably. Oh no I FAILED again xD It seems that I am getting good at this. Somehow I started having this feeling that I wanted to cry but then I realized, cry about what?! It would be too childish so I just prayed and said sorry for not listening and that I was sorry for acting like what I did towards my mom and that I should remain cheerful and optimistic like my classmate, Lee. And after that, I felt better than ever!

Thank you Lord for making me a strong woman....well physically and spiritually haha! And now I have nothing to worry and I have learned my lesson. I shall not imagine while I am in church. Bow!

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Farewell 2010

I don't know what to say about 2010. Actually I didn't want to remember those numbers. I wanted to leave it all behind. Though there were also a lot of things that happened. I'm sad to say that I barely remember all those good things. Probably because it has been overlapped by all of the worst things that have ever occurred to me. And to this day, seeing my friends and how their doing just makes it hard for me to move on.


The last year of college was the most memorable yet the most distressing segment of my life. I was stupid and I admit that I never was the emotional type. I consider myself selfish and would only have to satisfy myself. Frankly speaking, I wasn't content with the company of my section and that there are a chosen few whom I am comfortable with. H3 is what I would call my place of zen. As long as I was within this group, I felt safe. We may even had a lot of conflicts but we always sticked together not because we literally were stuck with one another but because we loved it just the way it is. And this is one of the fabulous entity that I have treasured well.

Actually, 2010 is the most depressing year for me. I despised it. Or rather, I despised myself. Everything about me was bemoaning. Because 2010 was the year of my FAILURE.

I didn't concentrate on my studies due to the detestable atmosphere of my boring and vexing school. I blame myself after all these years that I could have stopped and walked another path. I just hated almost everything about it. Not all, but almost. I couldn't find what I was looking for yet I continued to struggle through my chosen college field.

When I was in high school I imagined that college would be thrilling and efficacious. I should have known better. But then I was raised in a world where innocence is accepted and safe rather than being smart and witty because seriously we didn't need it in my place. What we needed was pure escapade. Yes with no need for permission. I even dreamed of joining a volleyball team and be a varsity. Just like those players I watch on TV. What always caught my eye was UST. But unfortunately I didn't pass the entrance exam so I had to end up in FEU, my 2nd choice. And yes I took up nursing, another 2nd choice of mine. I even planned on joining the theater or performing arts club or even the glee club. I was so enthusiastic.

So I arrived college and was so excited that I prepared everyday to impress my classmates. I tried so hard everyday that I would even review during the holidays. I was excited, charged and inspired. I even applied for the "interesting" clubs but being damned, I think, they just took our 20php as membership fee. After paying they never contacted us again. And as years passed by I realized that there were no clubs actively existing at all. What an ass stake was that. I was so disappointed. Furthermore, to continue maiming me our section had to be dissolved! As in separated from one another like siblings being sent to different orphanages individually! I hated it so much not because I'd be detached from my close friends but from my one and only inspiration! And yes it had a great impact on me. Us friends grew apart slowly and whenever we get to see each other all we could do was say hi and bye. After that, things turned to get ugly. I was losing the enthusiasm I had within me. I was lonely, and very lonely.

So it went on till I got away from that school up until I took my first board exam. Yes I stayed like that. And what did it bring me? Nothing but depression itself. I failed and continued to fail myself and everyone who believed in me. I under-appreciated myself.

But you know what? It's a good thing though. It became an eye-opener for me. Experience really is the golden teacher. And because of it I became closer to the one Gold that I had my entire life yet I refused to acknowledge Him because I didn't believe enough.

These FAILURES brought me closer to God. And everyday I would find myself talking to him before I sleep and sometimes as I wake up. I pray to Him and thank Him for all the blessings he has bestowed upon me even a little one i.e. When I thought I misplaced the ring my Mom gave me it was just under those pile of review books. I got scared and little by little I felt sensitive to feelings. I wasn't "manhid" anymore. I was aware of what the consequences will bring me. But what made it incomplete was, I didn't feel the spirit of Christmas or the welcoming of New Year. For I had to go abroad, where I didn't know a lot of people and where fireworks weren't allowed. It felt like ordinary holidays. It made me unsafe and unprotected. Like I was not blessed with a good luck charm. The year thus became incomplete for me. I tell you, being in the country where I am right now isn't peaceful. It's depressing.

So my 2010. I call it "The Year of Faith in Failure".

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